What happens when you lose sight of yourself, who you are, what you like, your friends that you hungout with, and the ambition of having a goal?
This would be my present dilema: an existencial crisis of stupendous proportions. I've graduated and now what?
Don't worry, this won't be a long cliche novel of ramblings (not sure if anyone even reads this anyway). I don't have patience to do that--seems that I am borderline ADD or a very short attention span. Sometimes, I find it a virtue, as it enables me to multi-task.
Sept 1st, I was slated to travel back to Brazil from Kansas City, Missouri. I was so blocked that I didn't even change the flight to another date. Truth behind it, it would have cost me at least $200 processing fee, plus I would have had to commit to going back at a certain date that I don't know yet. When I left Brazil I promised myself I would go back shortly, but now almost dying of SAUDADES do Brasil, I can't even imagine myself there. It's a very strange feeling. I crave Portuguese and any semblence of Brazil, but I let my ticket elapse. Brazil was such a large part of me for the past 5 almost 6 years, that now I feel part of me is missing. Apparently, I had assimilated myslef so well, that now the reverse culture shock is almost impossible to overcome.
I digress, sorry:
So, hum...what do I like to do? Too many things and yet not enough. I like: writting (but nothing too long, hence the ADD again), exercising, learning about healthy lifestyle trends, cooking, hanging out at coffee shops and reading, playing devil's advocate, watching TV series, movies, listening to music, learning the guitar and attempting to play and sing, singing, composing music (eventhough not good), learning new languages, speaking Portuguese, talking about Brazil, learning about Brazil, different cultures, fashion, dancing (mainly Latin and African influenced), beating on my hand drums, spending time with my family, helping others, making people smile (unless it is a creepy man flirting with me), riding my bike, translating, socio-economics, learning, tennis, volleyball, pateteca, walking, painting, interior decorating, travelling, being a proponent of human rights, and the list continues.
From that list, how do I narrow down what my passion is? It's almost impossible. I like too many things, and they are all so different. I don't have a proper addiction to anything that I do. I am under the impression that anything one is overly ambitious about can be an addiciton. We all have our addictions. I guess the best thing would be to be addicted to something positive, but any imbalance should be avoided, right? Hum...this post hasn't gotten me anywhere, just more confused.
